On a date?- 30 interesting questions

I was bored so I came up with 30 questions you could ask someone: friend or romantic interest if you wanted to know more about them.

  1. What is the first thing you think about when you wake up?
  2. What is the last thing you think about before you close your eyes?
  3. What is your favourite planet?
  4. What is the best thing someone has done for you?
  5. What is the first thing you notice about someone the first time you meet them?
  6. What is your earliest memory?
  7. If you could be anywhere and anyone right now, where and who would you be with?
  8. What was the last film/song that made you cry?
  9. When do you feel the most beautiful?
  10. Can you tell me about the last dream you remembered?
  11. Who did you want to be when you were a kid?
  12. What is your favourite word?
  13. What is your least favourite word?
  14. What is your most favourable characteristic about yourself, both physical and personality wise?
  15. What is your favourite music genre?
  16. Describe the most enchanting place you’ve ever been to, dream or real life- doesn’t matter.
  17. Who are three people you have never stopped loving?
  18. What is something within you that you’ve always wanted to improve on?
  19. What is a routine that automatically calms you down after a rough day?
  20. What is the most interesting fact you’ve learnt that still blows your mind?
  21. Who is your favourite music artist?
  22. Use one word, to sum up how you feel right now.
  23. What is your favourite scent?
  24. What could you never leave the house without?
  25. What is your favourite quote?
  26. What is your favourite instrument?
  27. What time do you fall asleep, and why?
  28. What is the best fashion piece to ever be invented?
  29. What is a hobby you’ve recently been into?
  30. If you could go back in time and change one thing what would it be?

What interesting question would you add to the list? Let me know below!

embed (3)

23/10/16 Sunday

tumblr_nu4lep6cnp1te5hl2o1_540It’s 10:00pm, and the world around me is silent. Nothing can be heard from my room, expect for the ticking of the clocks and the hurried typing produced from my fingers. A vehicle is roaring outside, probably some annoying motorcyclist that wants to grab somebody’s attention in the dark of night. A plane is heard from above, its engines echoing into the distance. I wonder where it’s going, or where it came back from. New York City? Paris? Bali? Melbourne? I speculate about places kilometres away, as I  wildly type from my desk, clearly procrastinating from studying.

I pause, slowly turning my hot coffee with a metal spoon. The clinking of the metal with the porcelain mug produces an irregular rhythm. I’ve got ear buds in each ear, but I’m not listening to anything at all. I don’t take it off, for some reason I feel vulnerable if I do.There’s something so delightful about the concept of music. Usually I listen to music as the irregularity of the outside world makes me feel unstable, unsure, in other words- boring. But, alas, once the ear buds are in, my brain is navigated to a place worlds away. The rhythm of the beat aligns with the rhythm of my heart. Everything falls into place. The walking pace of the pedestrians align with the drums, your hand aligns with the bass of the guitar. Everything is so perfect, so organised.

However, the music ends and the world forces its chaotic presence in front of you. The realization hits you with a dull impact. Disorganization and dissonance of reality leaves you speechless and tiresome,and you long for the fantastical world you just came from. The world where everything was predictable, I knew what came next as the rhythm never betrayed me. Every surprise bought delight to my ears, the bridge was always anticipated. But in this life, it’s so hard to predict anything. Every surprise isn’t always good, not everyone is in harmony with each other or themselves. Life isn’t like a song, where everything fits perfectly together. It’s loud, tumultuous, disturbing even. It demands to be heard. It’s terrifying.

And here I am, sitting here, vulnerable. My ear buds are out, and my coffee I’d been gulping down eagerly is now one-tenth of what it once was. The clock is still ticking away, cars are still driving on the busy road. I’m so uncertain. Of who I am, who I want, who I will be in this life.

The silence around me echoes these thoughts louder than ever. Ironically, the silence is so dreadfully painstakingly loud. Even the hustle and bustle of city life is more comforting than silence, with taxi cars and small chatter drowning my personal sorrow and worries.

I live like to be invested in other people’s lives more than my own, it’s easier that way. Isn’t it weird how the person you’ve been running from is yourself? Like two different entities, except that they’re both you. Why are we so scared of who we are? Maybe because after all these years, the only person we’d completely trust is us, and when we finally realise who we actually are, we’re too scared to confront ourselves. Too scared to accept change in a person we thought was a safe entity, a voice of stability, a shield from vulnerability.

I’m rambling too much. The fear of my business exam looms above me, it’s strength increasing minute by minute. I’m not sure if I’ll ever post this, if anyone other else than me sees these words. My typing slows dramatically, I’m at a loss for words. I don’t know how to end this, but most importantly, I don’t even know why I created this. It doesn’t make sense. There is no satisfying ending, no moral, no rhythm, no repeating chorus. There’s no point of any of this. But it’s an experience.

Maybe that’s the point. Life isn’t predictable and sure as hell isn’t harmonious. At some points in my life, I’ve questioned why I’m even living and what’s the point. I’ve spent my life running away from reality, consuming culture that creates worlds other than what I’m living in. But, it doesn’t make it any less great. Maybe there is no point. Sounds terrifying but it’s a possibility. There is no moral, no purpose. It’s no song, but it’s an experience. Meaning isn’t set before you like a catchy rhythm, it’s up to you to set a beat. It’s up to your actions, your beliefs, your standards. There may be no satisfying conclusion. But, you can make it one. 

I sound too cliche. In about 843 words, I have reached no conclusion. I think I’m going to leave it here. I’m so confused about what I just created. It’s messy and inarticulate. But how do I end this? It doesn’t feel right just to end it here. Let me be an asshole and just end it as life would sometimes do to people. Unexpectedly and without reasoning. Abrupt, unsatisfying and unjust. Just like what I’m about to

Edit 2/11/16: My examinations have finished and I still have no idea why I was compelled to write this. I’m going to post it anyway, I can’t stand deleting it or keeping it in my drafts forever.

embed (3)

Is she as f-ckable as me?

OUTLINE:

  • What is it?
  • Why does it happen?
  • Can this be fixed?

Is she as f*%#able as me?

Let me explain. This is a quote from Emily Ratajkowski’s Glamour Essay/Interview. There was a Q&A below her essay on female sexualisation and the double standard (which you have to check it out here) that introduced me to this golden nugget.

On Her Friendships

“Female friendships are really important to me. And it kind of takes a lot, unfortunately, to make good female friends because we’re taught to be so competitive with one another and to think about, basically, Is she as f–kable as me? We’re looking at other women through men’s eyes, through the male perspective. I had to take all of this into consideration before I could have the kind of friendships I wanted to have.”

This throwaway remark struck a chord with me. The following days after I read this article, I started noticing even more, my competitive attitude with female friends. My discovery of this notion was extremely disturbing. The hateful way of thinking I was actively fighting against for a long time came to bite me in the ass, leaving an awful taste of hypocrisy and shame.

Let me repeat, this is no doubt something I do unconsciously. Obviously I don’t wake up every day and set a goal of pushing other girls down. However it’s the little things I do, or the things I don’t do anymore, that are indicative of this attitude. For example, the insecurities I have due to my female friends excelling in something that makes them more attractive. Whether it’s how smart she is, her striking beauty or her witty comments, she’s way much more f–ckable than me. I remember an instance when a friend was giving me advice, and she said something along the lines of: “But you’re so much better than _________!” and “At least you’re not _____________”, comparing me to be far more superior than another female. Obviously it was in good intentions, but it’s a clear display of how prevalent the “Is she as f–ckable” applies in our society.

Why do we as females somehow feel threatened when another woman is clearly more ‘attractive’  in a man’s eyes? Maybe it’s because you’re seen as more important when you’ve got a man by your side. Obviously the more men you have under your sleeve, the more attention you get. More Men= More attention. More attention= More Power. But why is male attention seen as power for women? Shouldn’t women be empowered in healthier ways than just male attention? How about girl power, or self-love? Or maybe it’s a different route. Maybe when a woman is seen as unusually beautiful it’s seen as “trying too hard to play into a man’s desires”. She’s “whoring” herself out and has no self-respect. But that raises even more questions. Why isn’t a woman’s qualities owned by her? Why is it owned by some guy? Where does her “objective” of getting a man even shown? Are you implying that women are hardwired to simply impress guys? The ” Is she as f–kable as me?” question is extremely puzzling and raises many questions about society as a whole.

What is no surprise though, is how this notion is imprinted upon females at a young age.  We see it a lot in media, where movies, music and TV shows regurgitate the recycled story line of girls fighting with each other to get the guy. This is extremely common with high school flicks such as “Duff”, TV shows such as “Glee” and songs such as “Girlfriend”. These forms of media aren’t bad, but can sometimes send out wrong messages about girl on girl hate. This is translated into real life, with girl A fighting with girl B who her boyfriend was cheating on. Yes, despite the fact that her boyfriend was the wrongful one, girls often fight each other to quote on quote “get their man back from these hoes”. Even when celebrities are dating, fans will jump on the bandwagon of slut-shaming the girls a guy is with, than the guy himself who is dating around (no way am i encourage slut shaming of the male sex, but I am pointing our the double standard nonetheless). Or, when parents tell young ladies not to do something because “You won’t get a man if you do that.” or “Look, _________ is so much more prettier/smarter/skinnier than you.”, therefore drilling their judgement in young girls’ impressionable minds, leaving them no choice but to feel competitive. The popular meme “Walmart vs Chanel” comparing a woman with another woman is also indicative of this.

This old way of thinking is tiring to say the least, and a major setback to our dynamic society. So what needs to be done? How can this concept be eradicated? Well to be honest, I don’t know. Obviously, the media and the entertainment industry shouldn’t depend on these overused stereotypical roles of women and instead feature independent strong women who support other women instead of resorting to competition. However, the problem also lies in people themselves. This is obvious in the blatant slut shaming of other women, which young women often participate in to bring down others. Women themselves are the most detrimental force in bringing down other women, and it saddens me deeply to acknowledge this. Hopefully as a society, us fellow females should embrace our differences and support one other, regardless of their attractiveness towards males. No way am I saying this is easy. I am hypocritical in writing this as I’ve unconsciously done this my whole life, and it frustrates me deeply that I do. It’s so hard to make lasting healthy female friendships (as Emily confessed) as I constantly have feelings of jealousy and competitiveness. I vow that for every day I live on this Earth, I will fight back on prejudice, fight back on sexism and fight back on the embedded system in our society supporting women on women hate. The day women learn to admire other women whether they receive male attention or not may be far from reach, but if we stop trying, we would have lost the battle already.

If you would like to check out more, I highly encourage you to checkout this video on a new initiative called “Girl Love”, founded by Superwoman. The link is here.

Thank you so very much for reading. Love you all. Extremely sorry for the lack of posts, I’ve recently graduated and currently studying for my Year 12 HSC Exams. Wish me luck!

XXX HML

WTAF. ONE YEAR?

*thumbnail is not my photo, from tumblr*

At this point in time it is currently a Friday night (morning to be exact) at 1:25 am. I had just finished publishing my bralette post here and was ready to slip into bed until… I noticed something on the side of my blog page.

HOLY SHIT. I’ve been blogging on this site for a year now.

My one year old baby! I began posting on the 9th of August 2015 on this particular site, and even if it’s technically only the 6th of August, it’s been quite a surreal experience this past year.

Ups and downs, I’ve recorded on this blog. My creative highlights, my depressing moments- all reproduced in my most artsy try hard shitty yet authentic style.

Thank you so much for following, liking and reading my posts. Despite me only joining word press recently, it has been such a lovely experience and I love reading the comments I get.

Let’s look back at my last year self to er… celebrate. My first post on this blog was about myself unsurprisingly, so let me venture forth into an eternal world of cringe (yes I have a problem, I even cringe about my past yesterday self).

Reading through the post, I haven’t changed at all, which eases my nerves a bit. However there are a few changes.

My hair is a lot shorter thankfully. I’m 17 now obviously. I absolutely despise Legal and Ext Eng and currently revising my plans on becoming a stripper/lap dancer (jk. Or am I, idek anymore). I see my fashion style more as expressive than anything else, retro one day, grunge next, minimalist for a majority,  even vintage feminine one day too. So yes I haven’t exactly completely ‘transformed’, just.. evolved in a sense. I’m not sure if that’s good or bad news.

I don’t know anything about my 18 year old self. Let’s hope I’m a better person. Someone who is much happier and decisive.

Here’s to another year of creativity.

Love you guys xxx.

embed (3)

June Inspiration

Twas a tiresome night in June, my limp warm body stationary and fixed on my bed, smothered beneath the blankets. My mind was wandering, somewhere. Here’s to my wanderlust day in June.

pvv7w
Tumblr

Ludwig Göransson and Donald Glover (aka Childish Gambino) holding hands. Love their work on Camp and Because the Internet. They look so adorable and retro in this photo, love it.

Deanna Templeton’s work is refreshing and very clever, her artsy photography of skinny dipping excels my expectations. The subjects look so graceful and natural, these were two of the shots I selected due to most shots being NSFW. My friend Lesley (her blog is here ) summed my thoughts up well, “The body doesn’t always have to be sexualised” she said. I agreed of course, after all, Nudity doesn’t always equate to sexualisation!

13561639_860936854038562_1298629405_n
490tx’s Photography

I really love 490tx’s work, his black and white photos look so gloomy and classic. I saw this one while scrolling through instagram and I must say, it’s quite funny (it was champagne that she dropped on her jeans) and reignited the beauty in capturing accidents.

13561555_246446862407644_1004836362_n.jpg
Kylie Jenner’s Instagram

Kylie is currently signed to Puma  and this shot is perfect. The grunge, sportswear and chic bob, Puma is doing it right!

mascara-running-waterproof-1200x800
http://lovethirty.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2016/03/mascara-running-waterproof-1200×800.jpg

I have this thing of tearing up all the time,  not from sadness, but because I wipe my eyes too many times, makeup irritation or because I’m tired. I looked in the mirror and saw this face and I looked just like someone punched me in the face lmao. However, it did look really dramatic and strangely cool (no this is not an everyday look).

tumblr_o7xnnxmhpi1vtrpn4o1_500
Tumblr

Emily Ratajkowski looking sexy while eating cake. Goals I tell you.

I’ve just been introduced to psychedelic rock by my new favourite band, Tame Impala (psst, my suggestions are ‘the Less I Know the Better’ and ‘New Person Same Old Mistakes’). The 70’s have been a major inspiration since then and the joy and retro feel of these photos is something I’d like to recreate in my own work. Really loving the contrast of the gloomy black and white filters and the warm toned photos, however interestingly both depict intense emotions.

What has inspired you lately?

embed (3)

Feminist Reading of ‘M.I.L.F. $’ by Fergie

1280_kim_kardashian_fergie_chrissy_teigen_milf_money_music_video

*Note: I won’t be discussing a lot about what the video specifically displays or what the song specifically states  but instead will talk about the main content and backlash the video has received instead.*

It’s dreadfully easy to dismiss this video as females objectifying themselves, and there is no denying it. I was in an English lecture this morning and the lecturer had commented on his shock after seeing this video on the news, with a face of disgust. Comments below the video are as quoted (obviously the commentators’ names are removed)

“Fergie trying to say that this video “empowers women”. If anything, it does the complete utter opposite. It strengthens the argument that women are simply objects and if you aren’t as attractive as fergie you won’t be deemed attractive. Any oversexualised thing like this or Kim kardashian and Emily ratajkowski putting a photo of themselves topless on twitter is not empowering to women, it gets them in the limelight and sells their beauty.”

“Feminists say that men are disgusting, this video proves that some women just want sex, desperate virgins”

“So this is what my fellow women do in the name of female empowerment/liberation well done feminism, from voting rights to this.”

Capture

The video not only faces harsh criticism from the public, but the video itself has approximately 1/4 dislikes compared to the likes. And in all honesty, it’s not all that hard to see why.

“M.I.L.F. $” features a sexual innuendo in itself, the acronym spelling out: “Mom I’d Like to Fuck”, and displayed in all glory stunning celebrity mothers such as Kim Kardashian, Chrissy Teigan and Alessandria Ambrosio bearing their breasts, legs and bottoms with sexual clothing and poses leaving little to the imagination. Under no doubt, this video at first glance appears to be asking for hate. Boiling it.

Comments of ‘hyper-sexualised’ media, mothers not displaying gratuitous poses, Fergie attempting to break in her ‘failed music business’ with a distasteful image and even more so, how this video are one of the many examples of women in media erasing feminists’ work of dispelling the objectification of women.

I could go on about the social backlash Fergie has been thrashed relentlessly with, but this post is not only about that. This is about a more in depth analysis of what Fergie has created, not only a catchy tune which I self admittedly sing out loud but a philosophical discussion about how this video among other examples lights a spark on the discussion of assumptions about sexuality and how this criticism affects our modern society especially young women.

First of all, let’s break down why she has created the song. In the words of the songstress herself she states:

According to Fergie, it’s “about empowering women who do it all.”

“They have a career, a family, and still find the time to take care of themselves and feel sexy,” said the singer. “With a wink of course.”

Fergie is giving a voice, a shout out if you will- to all the mothers out there who feel sexy, but feel pressured not to show it due to the preconceived notion of the stereotypical mother being sensible, ‘prude’ and child friendly. A 41 year old mother challenging the long held idea of the role and characteristics associated with a mother in modern society. You can see where I’m going with this. Even other ‘Queens’ of pop have also been shamed for their sexuality, as shown when Beyonce released her self titled surprise album, “Beyonce”- in which songs such as “Drunk in Love” and “Partition” were criticized for being too sexual and ‘slutty’ despite both songs talking about her romantic and sexual love for her husband, even more heightened after becoming a mother. Kim Kardashian’s famous nude selfie was quickly spat at, with comments stating how she was a mother and shouldn’t be setting a bad role model for her kids. Chrissy Teigan was also met with backlash, with people arguing that she shouldn’t be going out to dinner with her husband John Legend, two weeks after giving birth to Luna despite the fact that Legend himself took her out to dinner as a romantic date. There is not a single doubt that the role of a mother is being constantly challenged in this day and age. Fergie is laying down a huge risk and debate with this song and she knows it.

It’s a dangerous cocktail, when Fergie decides to take control of her own body, presenting her sexuality to the world as any young female artist would do (see Selena Gomez and Rihanna- both amazing beautiful artists) in a confident manner instead of staying out of the public eye.

Other points raised outside the ‘abhorrent’ use of a mother to portray sexuality include hyper female sexualisation to encourage female objectification. Well here is another question.

How can women display themselves in a way that’s sexual and confident without automatically becoming associated with objectification?

Let’s say I feel hot as fuck with my tight dress and killer makeup, so I whip out my phone and take a selfie showing myself off to the world. People can comment things such as how I’m objectifying myself and that I need acceptance from the world and men on my looks, and why I’m so conceited to even take a photo of myself in the first place, therefore placing a value over my looks instead of picking up books and studies like ‘real feminism’. This is an extreme exaggeration on what women today face in terms of sexualisation. My muse Emily Ratajkowski talks about this in her Lenny essay, “Baby Woman” in which she states an important point which directly answers the question.

And what is that message exactly? The implication is that to be sexual is to be trashy because being sexy means playing into men’s desires. To me, “sexy” is a kind of beauty, a kind of self-expression, one that is to be celebrated, one that is wonderfully female. Why does the implication have to be that sex is a thing men get to take from women and women give up? Most adolescent women are introduced to “sexy” women through porn or Photoshopped images of celebrities. Is that the only example of a sexual woman we will provide to the young women of our culture? Where can girls look to see women who find empowerment in deciding when and how to be or feel sexual? Even if being sexualized by society’s gaze is demeaning, there must be a space where women can still be sexual when they choose to be.

A woman can choose to be sexual or not sexual, and so do mothers. We’re living in a world where grown women are scorned to not act sexual in the media on their own accord ‘in case they affect the mind of young girls’ , but only secretly with their partner, while men can be in music videos with strippers (see Future and Robin Thicke). I’ve discussed this before in another essay, but its increasingly worrying how when women want to show their sexuality to the world on their own accord, but seem to have more hate than men in the music industry who display the same half naked girls in their videos as side chicks, or take nude sexual photos and are met with exclamations of “Daddy fuck me up” starkly contrasting to photos of Kim in which the term “slut” is commonplace. Fuck the double standard, seriously.

The comments about sexualisation becoming a detriment to women are not delving deep enough. Instead of shaming women who are proud of their bodies and sexuality, let’s all stand against oppressors who directly use the women as sexual objects such as female sexual slavery and advertisements selling sex instead of the product/service. The way I see it is, the video itself is definitely sexual, but its not ‘selling’ sex for views. It’s creating a positive light for mothers who also feel the same way. Its fun and naughty vibe should be celebrated among women who feel confident about their bodies, despite going through pregnancy and raising a child, still continue feeling bomb AF and will never stop slaying the world.

It’s not through these sexual videos that are affecting young girls’ minds. It’s the fact that these young girls see the shit that confident women get for showing off their own bodies whether through make up or clothing and feel like its wrong for taking ownership and loving their female parts they were born with. They feel like instead, they should hate on their female peers and slut shame them, compete on who fulfills the desirable women stereotype instead of embracing the power of sisterhood.

The world may have become introduced to feminism but its time to step it up a notch and allow all women, younger or older, to be able to express their sexuality just as men are able to. It’s time to remove the double standard placed on women and show an example to mothers from future generations to not feel pressured to fit in a mold society tells you to, but to do what ever the fuck makes them happy and nurture their child lovingly on their own terms. It’s time to show women as a whole not to be afraid of their own bodies, despite society giving them shit over it. Lets get together feminists.

embed (3)

HOLY SHIT I’m close to 17

tumblr_o6v4wtnufg1vtrpn4o1_1280
Emily Ratajkowski ofc

From the time I’m writing this, I’ll be 17 years old in 12 days. Holy freaking shit.

It seems like yesterday when I set foot into high school in Year 7, and now I’m a Year 12 fast approaching the HSC and deciding my university. They weren’t kidding when they said that time goes fast. Because it hella does.

It took me time to acknowledge this obvious thing.

17 years.

1.7 decades.

204 months.

6205 days.

148920 hours.

8935200 minutes.

536112000 seconds.

WOW I’ve lived for a long time. Throughout my 17 years I’ve experienced so much, and it’s hard to imagine that this is just the beginning of my adulthood. Let’s celebrate through a culmination of my experiences, bad and good.

Through out my 17 years I’ve:

  • Eaten to my heart’s content
  • Slept soundly, dreaming of magic
  • Cried so much I couldn’t breathe
  • Smiled while I was hurting inside
  • Laughed so hard I thought I’d never stop
  • Heard stories that gave me chills yet set my imagination into overdrive
  • Befriended  people who had no idea how much passion I have for them
  • Hated who I am
  • Opened my mind to things I thought were impossible
  • Nearly given up on existing
  • Compared myself to others
  • Had the warmest showers
  • Smelled the sweet homely aroma of coffee
  • Breathed on windows freshly battered with torrential rain
  • Watched cars drive by in the night
  • Held someone’s hand and felt that familiar tingle
  • Wished I would have done somethings right
  • Let someone down
  • Lifted someone up
  • Slept wishing I’d never see the dawn
  • Wanted to be surrounded with others
  • Wanted to be left alone
  • Blushed with embarrassment
  • Felt the powerful surges of curiosity
  • Hit with pangs of anger, guilt, jealousy and fear
  • (and finally) left with incredulous and speechless feelings.

Question: How old are you? Are there any notable experiences you remember in your lifetime?

embed (3)