|PC: Dave Krugman|
No lie, I’ve been totally unmotivated these holidays. As I’m gazing at my clock on the screen it’s currently 9:52pm and I need to work on English homework. The day I’ve been dreading is fast approaching, much quicker than I intended. You know when something is far away and doesn’t seem like a huge deal? So you relax, ease off, revitalise. Suddenly BAM, the day you hate the most approaches and you’re left to wonder what had just happened. Maybe I’m being slightly dramatic (I honestly thinking I’m not) but the arrival of school has never felt more… dismal. Back to the place where I feel like I’m the least knowledgeable in all my classes, combined with the upcoming threat of exams thundering down overwhelming emotions anxiety and insecurity in my own self. The world has never felt more scary, more uninviting, more lifeless. It’s easy to say that I have ‘no knowledge of the world’ until I’ve finished high school, but the more I think about it- if the world outside of school is even more constricting and gloomy as my current situation, I don’t think I can bear this anymore.
I’m not suicidal at this current state, but the only thing I can safely say is I’m feeling down and overwhelmed about the present AND the future. More of the present though, I can’t bear studying things I definitely don’t want to study because I know I won’t need it- I only need it to fulfil the minimum amount of subjects needed for Year 12 and that’s it.
I need to apologize for the lack of blog posts recently, again I haven’t had the passion to set my ideas into actual posts due to studying and my underlying misery.
I hope for brighter days.